Clemenseando

Final Episode Of La Madrastra

Call me Eeyore.

Earlier tonight La Madrastra sputtered to a foregone conclusion with the blistering pace of a runaway snail.

Televisa decided almost at the last minute to extend the telenovela by another ten episodes. Now the sudden increase or decrease in the number of telenovela installments depending on the ratings is nothing new. In this case, though, the late decision seems to have caught the writers off guard and out of gas. Two weeks have passed since we learned the identity of the telenovela's secret assassin. Since then the show has been deflated of much of its dramatic tension. 

Of course, everyone expected La Madrastra to have a happy ending. That is well and good. But no one who saw a lightning-paced mid-season episode of La Madrastra could have foreseen such a sloooooooooow finale.

Before I go any further I should warn you the following paragraphs contain explicit details of the final episode. If you don't want to know how it ends, then stop reading right now. Before you go any further, ask yourself do you really want to know the ending. Well, do you?

Are you sure?

Okay, if you insist. The only tense moment takes place at the very beginning of the show.  Demetrio (whose identity as the real murderer was revealed two weeks ago) lurks in the office with gun in hand waiting for María's arrival. Demetrio is dressed in drag and sporting some impressively long red fingernails. María enters the office and Demetrio jumps out from the shadows. He points a gun at her and then locks the door. María tells Demetrio **You are ill. You need help.** Cut to the hallway where Angel, Demetrio's son, just happens to be passing by and hears the commotion. Angel believes María is inside and knocks on the door. María screams and Demetrio yells at her to shut up. Angel instantly catches on. He pleads with his father to open the door. Others arrive. Dramatic tension increases. A shot is fired.

Break for commercials.

Thankfully, Esteban arrives just in time to break down the door, wrestle the gun away from Demetrio and punch his lights out. The police take Demetrio to jail, but not before he curses Esteban's entire family.

Shortly afterwards, the entire cast troops over for the obligatory visit to the Basilica of the Our Lady of Guadalupe. No problem. Your life was just saved so you and your family go thank the Virgin. Makes sense. But, it does not need to be so dreadfully drawn out. No less than eleven members of the cast proceed to say 'thank you, Virgin Mary' in every conceivable way. One after another after another after another. I don't mean to begrudge the Virgin her prayers of thanks, but a slightly more creative approach is definitely in order.

No other surprises until everyone starts popping the question. Greco, the agronomist, asks Estrella to marry him. She says yes. Leonel asks Lupita, Greco's sister, to marry him. She, too, says yes. Hector decides he wants a church wedding for him and his pregnant fiancee, Vivian. The young and timid Angel decides he wants to wed his soulmate Alma. So the show ends with a quintuple wedding (Esteban says what-the-heck and decides to exchange vows with María) in Xochimilco, a sort-of Mexican Venice with sort-of Mexican gondolas. But before we see Fin on the screen we are given a quick peek at Demetrio in jail. **I will have my revenge**, he says. **Someday I will be set free and have my revenge.**

Cut back to the wedding party, blah, blah, blah followed by aerial shots of the Mexican gondolas and then The End.

Except that tomorrow night, Televisa will air "La Madrastra - Años Despues." A one-hour show set sometime in the future.

Talk about milking a cash cow.

PS I use asterisks rather than quotation marks because the dialogue I cite is an approximation and not a literal transcription. Maybe Bob Woodward should consider a similar approach for his books.

PPS If you are interested in learning more about the marketing of telenovelas to the Latino audience in the States, then consider reading the cover story I wrote for the May issue of Marketing y Medios.

GE AND NBCU South Of The Border

GE and NBC Universal have endured a beating in the Mexican press for the last couple of weeks due to the decision of its financial arm to provide roughly five million dollars in financing to a local television station, Canal 40, that has been teetering on the edge of bankruptcy for some time. Station employees went on strike after salaries went unpaid. Mexican journalists have been quick to see the unsecured loan as a backdoor entryway into the Mexican market for NBC Universal's Telemundo network. This has raised the hackles of the owners of local media outlets because Mexican law prevents the foreign ownership of television stations. According to various media reports, GE yesterday issued a press release spelling out its stance. The press release is not on the GE Mexico website (although the site contains information about GE Day in Mexico and GE´s reiteration of its commitment to honesty) or the main GE site or the NBC Universal media site or the Telemundo section of the same website.

The various reports (I have not read the release myself and as mentioned I cannot find it, either) cite GE´s interest in putting together a Mexican-led investor group. GE's participation would then be that of a "neutral investor", which is allowed under Mexican law. In one article, a GE spokesperson is said to recognize the interest of NBC Universal and Telemundo in "participating" in Mexican media. The business plan for the station, according to the same source, includes an increase in local program production and finding "additional distribution channels for television programming."

I read this to mean that Telemundo is looking to air its programming on Canal 40.

Back in April, GE issued a release announcing a "vertical partnership between GE Commercial Finance Global Media & Communications and NBC Universal ... Through the alliance, NBC Universal will provide industry expertise to help Global Media & Communications better evaluate media assets, while Global Media & Communications will lend its financing expertise on behalf of key market initiatives by NBC Universal.  The team is now ... working together to help Telemundo, NBC Universal´s Spanish-language network, improve its presence in Mexico."

Looks like they were talking about Canal 40.

 

Not The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test

Undoubtedly, the Merry Pranksters would have been distressed by this development.

The folks at the Sallie Mae Fund say they will be sending a bus loaded with financial aid information to seventy-eight cities. Counselors will be holding seminars for high school students and their parents about how they might pay for college. Simultaneous Spanish-language translation will be offered and I hope it will be less pocho than the slogan on the side of the bus "En Camino La Gira de Como Pagar la Universidad."

Today, though, I don't have time to pick apart their imperfect Spanish. But, I do want to point out that we are looking at a full-fledged trend in Hispanic marketing - the mobile marketing tour. This is more than outdoor advertising. This is literally taking the medium and the message to the front door of the Latino market and trying to create (as marketers like to say) a memorable experience. 

The stream of clients such as J&J now engaging in this form of marketing will, I believe, soon turn into a flood.  

"I heard a fly buzz when I died"

A reviewer wrote two beautiful sentences in the latest issue of the Economist, "Emily Dickinson, a 19th-century poet, thought that poets, at their best, "rinsed the language". They made language anew by cleansing it of the accumulated crud of cliché, sloppiness and general woolliness."

Reading those lines reminded me of when in the tenth grade I read Dickinson's poem "I heard a fly buzz when I died." Wow, I remember thinking. Just plain wow.

I confess to being equally overwhelmed when I read "Su historia es que sorprende que considera él y sus padres vinieron de Cuba con apenas las ropas en sus partes posterioras." The preceding grammatical train-wreck is the product of an automated software translation and was included in a pitch letter to an editor from a PR agent. Fluency in Spanish would actually be a hindrance when it comes to understanding the letter. Other choice translations were "ventilador" for fans of the sporting variety and "negocio poseído minoría" for minority-owned business. The problem with the last nonsensical translation is that insomuch as it means anything at all it could be understood as "a business possessed by less than a majority of demons."

I am told the fellow who sent the pitch very clearly meant no disrespect. Quite the contrary. Furthermore, he openly acknowledged using a software translation program. For now, though, using such a program produces baffling and unintended results steeped in "general woolliness."

Better to just send the note in proper English.

Blogging The Body Electric

I just learned of the BlogHer conference through a posting at PressThink, the thought-provoking blog of NYU journalism prof Jay Rosen. BlogHer is supposed to provide "exposure, education and community for women bloggers" during this Friday's meeting. Increased "exposure" is a worthy goal even if it seems like an unfortunate choice of words.

It made me think that minority bloggers might benefit from a similar conference. 

What do you think?

Body By Tadeo

I have a soft spot for cheeky self promoters but chutzpah can only compensate for so much.

A friend forwarded to me a press release yesterday about Tadeo, a personal trainer on a mission to sell workout DVDS. So far, so good. I am catholic when it comes to stories and will hear out almost anyone pitching just about any topic. 

But my eyes narrowed as I read the first paragraph of the release, "Young, charismatic Tadeo brings a message of better health for a better life to the Latino community with a dual message of promoting a healthy lifestyle while creating community economic opportunities.  Tadeo launches his health and fitness program on the American Latino scene through the release of the CUERPASO! (The Ultimate Body!) Bi-Lingual Fitness DVD. Straightforward and gimmick-free, Tadeo’s fitness program sends an upbeat, honest, friendly, how-to invitation to Latinos to adopt and maintain a healthier lifestyle."

Never mind the clichés such as "better health for a better life." For a moment, set aside the impression that Tadeo has only one name and is therefore Indonesian like Suharto or Sukarno. Focus instead on what I find it impossible to ignore. Cuerpaso, which is also the name of his website, should be spelled with a z (Cuerpazo) and not an s. That letter s just sticks in my craw.

The best that can be said of the Spanish-language content on the website is that it is not much worse than the English-language material, which includes the following testimonial, "This is one of the most handsome and sexy men that I have ever seen in my life and best of all I hear that he is single! I truly hope that one day I have the pleasure of dating someone as enticing as Tadeo. This according to "Xiomara, Salon Owner."

Perhaps my undue animosity can be attributed to the fact that I lack "The Ultimate Body" and cannot remember any woman ever describing me as "one of the most handsome and sexy men." That is, aside from my wife. Maybe I should take advantage of the summer discount mentioned on the website. The DVD is now selling for only $9.95 down from $14.95 "an amazing savings of 25%." Wait a minute. Five dollars off a fifteen dollar item sounds like a 33.3% discount not 25%.

The press release says Tadeo studied at USC. 

Thaddeus, consider this an "upbeat, honest, friendly" invitation requesting you learn to spell in Spanish and learn some basic math before sending out another press release.

The Universal Language

Those of us who write in both English and Spanish navigate a linguistic minefield. "False cognates" lurk behind every corner and must be ceaselessly beaten back with a mataburros. Past a certain age, more words are forgotten in both languages than learned in either one.

Yesterday, during an afternoon nap I saw a pinwheel in a dream. But, I couldn't remember the word for pinwheel in English or Spanish. While still dreaming I thought about writing a good friend and copy editor and asking her what do you call that toy, which is a stick with a star that blows in the wind and has curved points. The word pinwheel didn't blow back into my memory until this morning.

I mention this just to say I understand the why of mistakes such as "uso justo" and "mamás de estos tiempos" (below see "No Hablar Espanol") even if they greatly annoy me for their crude grasp of Spanish. Mistakes made in English are no less irksome.

Washington's Voz is a bilingual newspaper and website that offers news in English and Spanish. A recent front page features a headline that reads "Latinos can't afford to breath fresh air." Yep, "breath" instead of breathe. I like to think my breath is fresh even though as a resident of Mexico City I breathe some of the most polluted air on the planet.

At first, I figured maybe the missing e was pocketed by a rogue copy editor  except that the same mistake is repeated in the text of the article. "But it seems there are communities where people literally can't afford to breath, and Latinos and African American seem to partake most often on that privilege. A report by the Sierra Club shows that even if they don't die everyday, good breathing has become a luxury for many Hispanics."

Even if I don't die everyday, I find good writing has become a luxury.

I take some solace in an observation García Márquez once made. He said, "el idioma universal no es el inglés, sino el inglés mal hablado." Y mal redactado, for that matter.

Big 3 Sales Decline

Automotive News (via AutoWeek) did some serious number-crunching of R.L. Polk new vehicle registration data and concluded that together the Big 3 "no longer will account for a majority of cars and light trucks sold to individuals in the United States." That may not seem like a news flash, but the assertion is meticulously documented.  A good chunk of the article deals with Hispanic car buyers and serves nicely as a general market complement to my article, Courting Youth. (By the way, many thanks to Juan Guillermo Tornoe for highlighting the piece in his HispanicTrending blog and recommending Clemenseando.)

What I most enjoyed about the AutomotiveNews article was reading about Longo Toyota, a dealership where "salespeople speak more than 30 languages, including the Philippine dialect of Kapampangan and the Ethiopian linguistic splinter of Tigrigna."

Cellulite Cream, Credit Cards And A Cure For Cancer

This sounds a bit like old and repackaged news, but still worth a look. The Federal Trade Commission yesterday "announced six law enforcement actions" against scams targeting Hispanics. For a moment, let us leave aside the inherent silliness of the phrase "law enforcement actions" and discard the likelihood that said actions were already public knowledge. Instead, we can focus on the one unifying characteristic of these fraudulent attempts to separate Latinos from their money - Spanish-language media.

The companies pursued by the FTC were pitching everything from cellulite cream to credit cards that were not credit cards and available only after payment of an upfront fee ranging from $149 to $299. The most dramatic case may well be the herbal supplements sold by Latinos Group Promotions. In commercials on Spanish-language television stations, “Arcomig” was touted as a cure for cancer and arthritis among other conditions.   According to the FTC, the folks at Latinos Group  Promotions lied and said "Arcomig" was FDA-approved. 

I can't imagine that the stations running these commercials (there were also newspaper and magazine ads) are open to any liability as a result of running these deeply deceptive advertisements. Yet, from an ethical standpoint I wonder if the Spanish-language media outlets shouldn't have been a wee bit pickier. We are not talking about Ginsu knives, which, after all, have their place in the universe. We are talking about someone selling a quack cure for cancer. Surely, this should have raised an eyebrow or two.  

Numero Uno

The Dallas Morning News and Fort Worth Star-Telegram report today that Univision Radio's KESS-FM is the number one radio station in DFW. La Qué Buena topped the Arbitron spring book with a 5.6 rating thanks to its Mexican regional format.